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What to Say to Someone Who Has Experienced a Stillbirth Loss

Mallory J Greene
Mallory J Greene
May 28th 2024 - 4 minute read
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The loss of a baby through stillbirth is unimaginable. While there's nothing you can say to erase the pain, your words and actions can make a significant difference.This guide offers helpful advice on how to support someone grieving a stillbirth.

The loss of a baby through stillbirth is one of the most devastating experiences a parent can go through. The hopes, dreams, and excitement of welcoming a new life are suddenly shattered, leaving behind immense grief, anger, and profound sadness. If someone you care about has suffered this tragic loss, you may feel at a loss for words, unsure of what to say or how to provide comfort during such a heartbreaking time.

While there is nothing that can take away the pain, offering compassion, empathy and a listening ear can provide some solace. Your words and actions as a friend, family member or loved one can either bring relief and healing or unintentionally cause more hurt. Here are some suggestions on what to say and what to avoid when supporting someone through stillbirth.

What to Say

"I'm so sorry for your loss. My heart aches for you." A simple acknowledgment of their grief, along with your sorrow for what they are going through, can help them feel seen and validated in their mourning. Don't minimize it with comments like "This must be so hard." The heartbreak is unimaginable.

"Your baby mattered, and your love for them matters." Affirming their love for their child and that the brief life had profound meaning can bring comfort. Ask about their hopes, dreams and details surrounding the pregnancy to show you understand the baby's significance.

"This wasn't your fault." Many parents torment themselves with questioning what they could have done differently. Reassuring them that a stillbirth is no one's fault, and they did nothing to cause it, can help relieve unfounded guilt.

"I'm here whenever you need to talk, cry, or just have someone listen." Letting them know you are available to lend an caring, non-judgmental ear whenever the grief feels unbearable, day or night. Follow through if they take you up on this offer.

"I wish I could take away your pain." While you can't make the hurt disappear, expressing that desire can make them feel supported in their anguish. Offer to help with day-to-day tasks to lift some burdens during this devastating time.

What to Avoid

"It happened for a reason" or "God had another plan." While meant to be reassuring, platitudes about things happening for a purpose can feel dismissive of their very real and raw grief. Spirituality may or may not be a source of solace - take your cue from them.

"At least you can get pregnant again." Minimizing their loss by focusing on future possibilities negates the life they have mourned and fails to address their current devastation. Never bring up having more children, even if you think it's a comforting thought.

"You need to be strong and move on." Everyone grieves differently, and putting a timeline or expectations on it is unfair. Offering space to grieve as long as needed provides more healing than pressure to "move on" before they are ready.

"I know how you feel." Unless you have directly experienced a stillbirth yourself, it is best not to claim to know the depth of complex emotions they are going through. You can relate to feelings of sadness and loss, but not make comparisons.

"You have to stay positive and have faith." This minimizes their grief. Let them feel the intensity of sadness, without trying to rush them through it or telling them how to feel. Validate their emotions.

Words of Comfort and Understanding

In the end, listening without judgement, acknowledging their pain, and being physically present as they grieve can provide immeasurable comfort and healing during this unimaginable time. With care, empathy and wisdom in your words, you can help your loved one feel supported as they cope with such a profound loss.

At Eirene, we believe that end-of-life planning should be comforting, transparent, and dignified. Too often, families struggle with the chaos, opacity, and expense of conventional funeral arrangements. We envision a better way - one centered on the belief that the end of life deserves as much beauty, grace, and meaning as the moments that came before.